This replay review covers the movie baseball movie “Ed”.
Have you ever longed to see a movie that is so bad that rubbing your brain with a Brillo pillow and a little bleach afterwards sounds like a good idea? Even better, have you ever wanted to see a movie about a baseball player chimpanzee? Do you also long to see a film that makes you wish that film production was a forgotten art? Well, in that case, boy, I have the movie for you! Let’s discuss the 1996 “” “masterpiece” “” Oath.
The film, which could not possibly have been designed to promote Matt LeBlanc’sFriends career, has the comic star as a good old country boy named Deuce, who decides to try with a local Minor League baseball team. Deuce impresses coaches with his strong arm and wins a place on the team. Naturally, he also becomes friends with a baseball-playing chimpanzee named Ed, who is his new roommate and teammate. Because it makes sense.
Deuce also develops a flirtatious but pure romance with her neighbor, a waitress named Lydia, who has a young daughter, Elizabeth. Deuce and baseball-playing chimpanzee Ed quickly become close friends, and both of their careers take off, with Deuce becoming the team’s ace while Ed “staffs” third base and becomes popular with fans.
When the team’s planned owners sell Ed to make a quick profit, he is kidnapped by two meathead goons who torture him for fun (you thought this was a children’s movie, right). Deuce is able to save Ed from the kidnappers, but Ed must be hospitalized when he is caught in a truck loaded with frozen banana foods and almost freezes to death. Then Deuce struggles without Ed on the team, and his career looks like it may never get off the ground. Of course, Ed leaves the hospital to cheer on Deuce in his big post-season start and Deuce gatherings, but not before kissing Lydia and finally confessing his feelings. The film ends with Deuce, Lydia, Elizabeth and Ed living together as a family. Aww.
Yes, this movie is really, really, actually bad. This is really one of the worst movies I’ve ever had that accident to sit through, and I watched Junior with Arnold Schwartzenegger in the lead role. IN theater. Oath is disgustingly bad. Baseball “special effects” are obviously fake, the sound effects and music are stupid and cheesy, the acting is substandard, and the action is an almost silly bunch of irreparable rubbish.
After the film was finished, I sat down on my couch and asked myself to make sense of it and pull out some common threads that I could weave into one – at least – a semi-coherent review. I’ve been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and I have nothing.
This movie was bad, and I have nothing good to say about it. I do not like chimpanzees as they are, so I did not find Ed the baseball-playing chimpanzee as a drawing factor, nor did I think he was as sweet and loving as the filmmakers no doubt hoped. The comic relief was incredibly discouraging, Deuce is a boring protagonist, and the romance felt unnecessary and tired. The strongest relationship in the film was the friendship Deuce forged with Lydia’s young baseball – loving daughter, Elizabeth, when Elizabeth does not desperately try to set Deuce up with her mother because she needs a father figure in life.
Perhaps the one positive thing I can say about this film is, despite giving an obvious and tired homophobic joke – Elizabeth asks if Deuce is reluctant to date his mother because he is gay – she quickly adds that it is not something wrong with being gay. Given that this film came out 24 years ago, I found that the quick undercutting of potential homophobia was a small, small cross in the box of “good things” the film Ed has to offer. Buuuuut that’s it. There is nothing else.
I can not in good conscience recommend this film to anyone. I do not really think even most children will enjoy it, unless your child has an unusual affiliation with chimpanzees. It’s not like Air Bud series, which features a cute gaggle of baseball-playing golden retrievers. Almost everyone loves golden retrievers. They are universally loved and cute, even if you are not a big dog person. Chimpanzee pranks only get tired after a while. I was bored after five minutes with this disgusting, completely unbearable film that attacked my eyes and eardrums. There are so many other mediocre heart-warming baseball movies you can watch in addition to this one! Do not expose your friends or loved ones to this movie (unless you actually secretly hate them or just want to torture them for a few hours). If you really care about your loved ones, you can lead them to Beginner of the year, Little Big League, Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, gold Angels in the field (the one) instead.
I have to be completely honest here. It has been a huge struggle to come up with even so many words about this cruel film. I usually try to find something positive to say about a movie, even if it’s a complete dud or a nightmare. It’s almost impossible with Oath. There is nothing about this movie that can be removed. I do not recommend this movie to anyone, living or dead.
And with that, I’ll put the DVD copy off Oath we fire.
Check out my latest Replay Review of the movie “42”.